5 Year Plan

When I was 17
I babysat a little boy.
His mom worked at a grocery store
so sometimes the hours were late.
I had fallen asleep on their couch.
A little before midnight she came home
nudged me awake
and I emerged into the cool spring night.
Slid into my parents’ new minivan.
Turned on the radio
to soothing night sounds.
And cranked up the heater.
A couple blocks went by
and as I came to a stop sign
I rested my head
against the head rest
and released my foot from the gas.
In the blink of an eye
I was coughing from some type of smoke.
Through the haze I was starting to make sense
of the noise in my head.
I rushed to get out of the van
Worried that it was going to explode
Not knowing what the smoke was.
Then realizing it was the deflated air bag.
I had crashed into a cement light pole
knocking it down crushing the passenger side
of the vehicle.
Realizing I hadn’t died
but my mom would surely kill me.
I still think back to this day
and realize that my life could so
easily have ended at that point.
That could have been it.
There are probably so many circumstances
like this in each of our lives.
Some that we recognize.
Others that we will never know of.
But the fact is
none of us are even promised tomorrow.
Right now the idea of a 5-year plan is a joke to me.
Because who really knows.
I remember on our honeymoon
driving home from Colorado
through the snow
looking out of the window
at the train passing by
and thinking
this could be it
we could have an accident
and that would be our whole marriage.
The honeymoon.
Every day I had with Mark
was a gift from God to me.
To share my life with Mark,
to be the one he shared his with,
is a gift.
I realize that God let me be Mark’s wife
for a reason.
He knew that Mark only had 31 years,
and maybe I won’t have a long life
or maybe I will
but I don’t want to take this time
for granted.