Thank you for your cards, gifts, and prayers. One gift that I received was a book called “The Tender Scar” and it was insightful. I read that this first year will be particularly hard and appreciate your prayers to help us through it.
Mark is missed. The world feels so different without him in it.
Today Nolan learned some new skateboard tricks. I know Mark would have gotten out there with him and been so excited. It was hard to not be able to share that with him.
There are so many little moments like that throughout each day. I would look forward to Saturday mornings around the house or we would go to yard sales. In the afternoon we would often have family over for a barbecue. After putting Nolan down to bed, Mark and I would lay on the couch and watch tv. During the week Mark would pull in the driveway after a day of work and I’d anticipate him unlocking the door and rushing in for a hug.
So many people say I’m strong, but really I’ve never felt more the opposite. I don’t know how to feel or really what to do. I will trust that God will get me from one moment to the next.
At the same time, I want to be able to look out for Nolan and help him through this. That’s a challenge since I am lost myself. But I know that since I don’t have a clue what I am doing, God will give me strength and show how strong He is.
I was so encouraged this week by a bible study I attended at Harvest. The pastor was James MacDonald visiting from a church in Chicago. He is going through his own trial right now as he battles prostate cancer, and was teaching on turning trials to gold. I would recommend that you listen to it on Harvest.org. It helped me with my perspective.
Thank you again for praying…you have inspired me to do the same for others.
January 25, 2009 at 12:22 am
Dear Angie,
I was blessed, after lunch, when Nolan asked if Gary and I could come over to his house. It was a very special invitation confirming that we have built a relationship with him over the past six years (because of you and Mark) and that he considers us a comfortable part of his life. Thank you for letting us share this journey with you and Nolan. It is a way that we can give and yet receive in the process. We miss Mark so much!
I hope that those who are observing you and the family will come to realize that it is the truth of God’s Word being manifested. Jesus said, “My strength is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” and Paul replied, “Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10b
We love you,
Carolyn
January 25, 2009 at 4:30 am
Angie,
I have been going through some struggles in my life as of late and have felt, still feel, desolate at times over the strife I have been experiencing. Through tears I have scolded myself in guilt for feeling so blue because, in comparison, though mountains to climb, my troubles are but minor inclines to what I can only imagine you are experiencing.
I have been so humbled and inspired (from afar) at the strength you have shown (even though you say you do not feel that way) in your faith, in your words, in your leaning on those around you for support…I haven’t been sleeping much in the last few weeks (something I imagine is an unfortunate thing we currently share), and so, I am writing this, again so inspired by your post, to have found in your words…perspective.
I hope you see the irony in the fact that I have (along with so many) been praying for you, and it is you who have helped to lift me up above the clouds of tears to find some of my own perspective.
Chris Berry sent me a text message last week about a conversation we had…he had sensed that there was a lot going on and mentioned Proverbs 3:5-6. It was the perfect passage for me, and I again was reminded of it by your posting.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I will be praying on this for you as you move forward in the times ahead…with finding yourself, and providing direction for Nolan…and though I will continue to pray, I must also thank you for being an example to me and so many others.
Mark would be proud.
Darren
January 25, 2009 at 6:02 am
Angie. it’s such a relief to see a smile on Nolan’s face! How’s he holding up through all of this?
My heart breaks for you. It must be so hard to think of all the things you used to take for granted as a daily occurrence. We will always be praying for you and Nolan, and the rest of your family. Mark sounds like a wonderful man, we’re looking forward to meeting him someday. Isn’t it great that we know we will see him (again)?
January 25, 2009 at 6:56 am
Hi Angie,
Praying to the Father or Mercies and the God of all Comfort to bless you with an extra measure of both. We love you, and you and Nolie are in our thoughts and our prayers continually.
January 25, 2009 at 6:56 am
Sorry, That’s Father OF Mercies
January 25, 2009 at 9:47 am
Hi Angie,
Thanks for letting all of us know how you are doing–I had checked a few times hoping that there would be an update on you and Nolan. I am continuing to pray for you and your son, and will continue to do so for a long time. I pray that God will encase you in His comfort and that you will feel peace with each step you take every moment of the day. Continue to trust in Him to take you from one moment to the next–He loves you and cares for you and will strengthen you to keep living. I left you some verses that I pray will encourage and comfort you:
1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Matthew 11:25-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,
Lamentations 3:31-33
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Love in Christ,
Carla Gorecki
January 25, 2009 at 10:42 am
Angie,
I am trully touched by your words. God’s ’strength’ is showing even though you don’t feel strong. You are going though something not many people go though. The strength you are showing is your faith in God that he is and will care for you and Nolen. Never forget how much you are loved and cared for even though you will feel lonely and continue to reach out when you feel alone, we are all here for you and love you deeply.
Luv you,
Lisa Lamberth
January 25, 2009 at 11:10 am
I pray that you find strength in the smile of that precious little boy. What a gift from God! I cannot imagine what you are feeling, but I do know that you are loved by many & so many are praying for you. Through this unimaginable journey, you are touching so many lives. You will one day see your husband again in the presence of our Father. God bless you!
January 25, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Hello Angie,
I’ve been every week that James MacDonald has been at Harvest. It’s hard to listen to him and not think of you. I’m so glad that you were able to go and be ministered to Wednesday.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think that you have to know what to do right now or anytime soon. Do nothing but sit at Jesus’ feet and love your son. I’ll pray that the Lord would fill you,enabling you to do that. “Sufficient for you is the grace of Me!”
Chelsea
January 25, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I have been following along since this blog was started for Mark. Please know I am continuing to pray for you and Nolan.
My heart just goes out to you and I pray for peace and comfort.
God is your strength, God is your strong tower. When you are weak, He will lift you up. I pray you will find comfort in His Arms.
Blessings to you,
Hilary
January 25, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Angie, I am 7 months ahead of you in the grief journey. I could relate to those feelings of missing having your husband around to experience everyday life with.
Rely on God’s strength, he WILL sustain you. Love your son, he needs you right now. Accept the help and love of friends and family.
Things that have helped me (it is different for everyone, but I thought I would share some helpful things in my grief):
GriefShare (www.griefshare.org)
Journaling
Let Me Grieve, But Not Forever by Verdell Davis
Please feel free to contact me if you just want to talk.
January 25, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Angie,
Thank you for your honesty. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I often imagine my day without Mike in order to put myself in your place and it makes my heart ache. I also remember when my mom lost my dad and she said that she just tried to make it from one moment to the next. I don’t know if this is how you feel, but I know that the grieving process will take a while and that’s okay. We appreciate knowing how you are doing in order to better pray for you. Also, a few of us girls are down to hang out with you and bring dinner over, if you would like. If not, we understand as well. Continue to keep us posted on how you are doing.
God is so capable of sustaining you and I trust he will.
Much love,
Holly
January 25, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Dear Angie and Nolan…good to hear from you honey…loved the picture of Nolan and that he is learning new things with his skateboard..you are a wonderful Mom .We continue to pray for both of you. Love ,Vickie Leeds
January 25, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Hi friend, your entry made me smile tonight. Even though I know you are missing Mark and the void is deep, your words are strong and that makes me so thankful. God is with you, He truly is. Thank you for allowing us to travel with you, I pray I will be able to read in years to come just how God has traveled right along side you. Blessings
January 25, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I love the picture of Nolan! I know I do not know you well, but Rob and I continue to pray for you. I can not imagine what you ar going through but can see the smile on Nolan’s face and know you are being so strong, if not for yourself, for him. We continue to check the blog and keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
January 25, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Angie,
I think about you everyday. You are on my heart, you and Nolan. Thank you for sharing your heart. We are praying for you, thinking of you, if you need anything, let us know!
Love,
Lori-Lynn
January 25, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Ang,
I think about you and Nolan every minute of every day. I pray for you when I wake up throughout the night. My heart is so completely broken for you. I am here for you and Nolan always. I am going to show Jake Nolan’s picture right now. He will be very excited to hear about the tricks he learned(though he is going to want specifics). Ben usually prays before dinner at night and he almost always prays for Nolan and Nolan’s mom! We love you.
Mandy
January 25, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Thank you for sharing your heart. I know that I can not possibly imagine what you are going through right now, but know that I hurt and pray for you daily. You are always welcome to call Lori-Lynn and I and we will go out and have a girls day/night.
I hope that you continue to share. Maybe it will start to help in the healing process someday. Know that even though you feel weak and worn out, your words are probably giving others strength to get through similar situations.
I wish like everyone else there was a magical statement or word or action that I could say to help you “feel” better. Words will never be enough. Nothing can replace those memories you have with your beloved. I pray for you to know joy and comfort from God in those memories.
Love you!
Danielle
January 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Angie, I am so touched by your strength , although I know you don’t always realize it, but it is there. I don’t know you or your family but thru my son Kevin and this blog I feel like I do. What a beautiful boy God and Mark have blessed you with. Take care of yourself and him. I know this is the most difficult thing to go thru for I lost my 31 year old Son-in-Law a year ago last October and I’ve seen my daughter and two grandkids go thru some difficult times. They were also married 10 years, but let me tell you God is GREAT and has been with them every step of the way. It will get easier I promise. Things are going very well with my daughter, but the first Month or two she was alittle numb, then about three or four months later it was hard I guess when things set in. I’m telling you this to give you hope,knowing your not alone.You have such a great number of people praying and lifting you up before our Maker. Also like someone mentioned earlier Grief Share was a great help for my daughter. You should check if your church or another in the area have it. It was very helpful. You and your precious Nolan will be in my prayers daily, Love in Christ, Denise Scott
January 25, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Angie,
Thanks for your post’s it’s encouraging to see Nolan smiling. We are keeping up the prayers for you two.
Love,
Rachael Meyer
January 25, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Thanks for posting Angie. We think of you and pray for you often. (My kids pray for you and Nolan before bed every night too!) I would like to have you and the Angulos over for dinner in the next couple of weeks. I know people are bringing meals, so I’ll have to wait my turn.
I think the kids would all have fun playing together. I’ll be in touch with details soon… and I will continue praying.
Huge hug,
Sarah
January 25, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Hey Angie!
Once again, I have been encouraged by the strength God has given you…even though you feel weak. As Carolyn quoted, Christ says, “My strength is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Oh, what a comfort! I am sorry I had to miss breakfast at your house yesterday…I didn’t want to get Nolan sick from me, especially for his second week back at school! We hope to see you soon…we will try to stop by as often as we can. Hopefully you won’t get tired of us!
Love,
Melissa
January 25, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Angie–
I think about you and Nolan everyday, and you are constantly in my prayers. I wish that there was something that I could do for you, but I know that only God has what you need at this time. Nolan is the cutest, and I just love that smile. His daddy shines right through him. I will continue to pray for your strength as you begin a difficult journey.
Love,
Danielle
January 25, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Hi Ang~ it was soooo good to see you at the service. I want to get together with you if you want… can you email me your # so I can call you. This post was wonderful, thanks for being real… I think of you every single day! Look forward to hearing from you and making a date!
Tammy:)
January 25, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I know you don’t know me at all but I’ll always be here and will always be praying and as long as you keep up this site I’ll be signing in and sharing a Scripture passage with you!
Praying right now!
Psalms 50:15 And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
January 25, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Angie, You have been on my heart and my mind every single day. Some days I cry with you, every day I pray with you. Paul and I have had a hard time these past 6 months with so many of our friends and family members who have passed away. My best friend in August, Paul’s Uncle in September, Mark, and now my friends baby. It has been so very sad and hard to understand. My grandma was telling me about the sermon on Wednesday that James McDonald delivered on Trials and then I read it in your blog tonight so I went to the site and listened to it. It was very insightful and did help me to understand and feel a litte more comforted in why these things happen. When he was talking about boasting in your thorn to get closer to God. I think there was 7 points he talked about that I need to go back and listen to again but… it has really hit home. I have been a Christian my whole life and don’t feel as deep or as close or as knowledgeable as I should be. All of these things should be creating a deeper me in Christ and I am trying to hear and learn what he is telling me. Ok, I am rambling now. I just wanted you to know that we are still here praying for you and learning from your strength. I have driven by and am never sure if the timing is good for visiting, however, I will call you this week to check in and set up a day to hang out.
Love, Robin
January 26, 2009 at 12:54 am
Hi Angie,
I want so badly to be able to take your pain away. I know you are lonely and hurting and that it is hard to see in the darkness but I really have no idea what it is like to lose a part of myself.
I praise God for the Grace that he has poured out on you each day for the last 7 weeks. Please remember late at night when you think you can’t make it through another day without Mark that when morning comes God will give you the Grace sufficient for the day. His mercies are new every morning and he will not allow you to be consumed.
We love you and Nolan so much and will continue to pray throughout our day for you two.
Love,
Kimm
January 26, 2009 at 7:26 am
Angie, I am so thankful that you are being so transparent through this. Your words at the service were amazing. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so thankful for you. It was very evident at the service how God has already used you and Mark to touch so many lives. You both have touched me in many ways. Love you.
Andrea
January 26, 2009 at 8:24 am
Good Morning Angie!
January 26, 2009 at 9:27 am
You don’t know me but I found your blog while reading another blog.
My brother and I were 5 & 6 when our father suddenly died from a heart attack so I relate to your situation from Nolan’s perspective.
I have also gained insight into my mom’s perspective through your blog.
I will tell you the best thing my Mom ever did was to be close to family. When my father died, we lived in Victorvill and the cosest family we had lived in Barstow. When my grandparents, aunt & uncle moved to closer to us I felt more secure. I knew I would have a ride home even if my Mom had to work late. There would also be a man around to fix the car or house when necessary. My Mom tends to think she can handle everything herself and hated asking for help. The problem was I wondered what would happen to me if something were to happen to my Mom. Once I had family close by, I knew there were people to help her out and I knew she needed that. We all needed that.
Looking back, we were allowed to get away with almost anything once my father died. My Mom and my teachers felt so sorry for us that we could burn down a building and they wouldn’t punish us. After a while we got worse and by the time she tried to fix things it was pretty hard for my Mom to but on the breaks. We had become somewhat out of control.
Now I realize I needed her discipline to feel safe. It’s hard to explain but my Mom’s lack of discipline make the situation feel more out of control. I also didn’t express my feelings when my Dad died because I knew if I cried it would make my Mom cry and I didn’t want to see her sad.
We got things worked out by Jr. High but it took a lot faith, prayer and hard work.
God will bless you in all this suffering I promise!
Mandy
January 26, 2009 at 10:54 am
Angie,
You and nolan are in my prayers everyday. I am always thinking of you…
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
January 26, 2009 at 11:16 am
Dearest Angie, child of God,
Thank you for your post and letting everyone know how you’re holding up. This first year will be the hardest for sure, but in time, if you remember the good times, the sorrow will fade.
When my brother died unexpectedly at age 37 over 18 years ago, I was in college and one of the classes I decided to challenge was on Death. My brother had been at Loma Linda with acute pancreatitis and only lived for about 30 days in the hospital once he was diagnosed.
After his funeral, I started reading “On Death and Dying” by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. It was a painful process at the time, but having to write about the different stages Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) as it related to my feelings about my brother’s death really helped me to understand what I was feeling and to get through the grieving process much sooner than I probably would have otherwise. For me, it was shorter than a year; for some it may take longer. We all experience grief differently. A local library may have a copy and there’s information on the internet.
My prayers continue to be with you and Nolan especially in the coming days, weeks, and months as you figure out your new life, what you need to do to support Nolan, and what you need to do for yourself. You are blessed to have a wonderful network of family and friends to support you. Don’t be reluctant to ask for help; you’ll be surprised by how much that small gesture is not only helpful to you but helpful to others who are grieving with you.
My step-Dad passed away the night before Mark did and my Mom has been very reluctant to ask anyone for help. So we’ve been identifying things that she needs. Sometimes, it’s just companionship, sharing a cup of coffee or tea and being there to listen if she chooses to talk. Sometimes we just share the silence and that’s ok too. It makes me feel good to know I can provide this for her. And everyday is different. Some days she’s strong and other days she’s flooded with emotions. In either case, I tell her it’s ok. So don’t hesitate to ask for help, even if it’s just for companionship.
God bless you and comfort you.
January 26, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Angie,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with so many of us that you know and do not know! Like many others, you and Nolan have been on my mind and in my prayers and I too have wondered how you are. I’ve asked my brother Paul about how you are doing and hope that time can help heal your loss. I can’t begin to understand your loss, but know that it’s something we will all have to deal with at some point. I will continue to pray for you and your family!
God Bless!
deanna meyer (Paul V’s sister)
January 26, 2009 at 2:19 pm
What a wonderful picture of Nolan. Even though we were only acquaintenances at Sandals, you and Mark have entered my thoughts over years. I am continuing to pray for strength, guidance, and peace for you. I don’t have any other words…
Thank you for sharing your heart, please continue to keep us posted, and ask for help when you need it. We would love to do something for you.
Irene
January 26, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Hey Angie,
I was glad to see you saturday with Nolan at the library. Each day is goiong to feel different, but one thing stays the same Jesus. His love for you & Nolan. My wife Alicia & I are praying everyday for you to grow in this trial; to be the mother Nolan needs & the woman God wants to make you. Every day God’s mercies are new every morning. I pray for healing for your heart, & peace for your days ahead. Know the Lord is with you wherever you go. “Cast your cares on HIM, for He cares for YOU.”
Numbers 6:24-26 Joey Mahoney
January 26, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Angie and Nolan,
we are here in the Philippines and are praying for you continualy. Thank you for the up date and we will continue to lift you up as you face this long road a head, knowing that you are not alone! Jesus Christ is with you every step of the way. He is your leader, your guide. When all else seems to fail know that he is your salvation he will never leave you nor forsake you! We may never meet you two but we have the same spirit and the same Father who has bound us together with cords that can not be broken, so as your sister in Christ we morn the loss with you and as we hear of great skatbourding tricks learned we will rejoice with you! God is faithful!!!
Sincerly,
Justin and erin McDonald
January 26, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Praying for you and thinking of you. Thank you for the update.
Hugs
January 26, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Dear Angie,
I am still praying for you and for Nolan. I know you must get weary at times. Lean on God, and He will lead you gently or even carry you when it seems you cannot go on.
“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11
“The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” Deuteronomy 33:27
January 26, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Continuing to pray for your family in Seattle!
Lamentations 3:22-26 It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
January 26, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Angie,
I pray for you and Nolan every morning. I know that God will continue to supply all that you need; still hurt with you though. It is in many of the little things that you miss Mark and likewise it is in the little things, in the details, that God is showing his love for you. Can’t wait to see those new tricks Nolan is learning!!
Chris
January 26, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I just began re-reading Catherine Marshall’s book ‘To Live Again’. She wrote it following the death of her husband Peter Marshall. Are you familiar with him/them? Anyhow, in the few days I’ve been reading it the Lord has told me everytime I pick it up to get it for you. So, I ordered it tonight from Amazon since it’s out of print I believe. She describes so well her deepest feelings; read it now or later, as the Lord leads. I will give it to your sweet A. Carolyn to give you.
I was so glad to read that you have been going to hear James M. at Harvest. I asked A. Carolyn if she knew whether you had heard about him being there because again, I felt the Lord leading to be sure you at least knew about it; for the C.D.’s/DVD’s if nothing else. So glad you were able to go.
Again, please know that people you don’t even know pray for you and Nolan and the rest of the family and cry too for your loss.
In Christ, A. Carolyn’s friend,
Susan
January 26, 2009 at 9:24 pm
It is so good to see Nolan at school…you’re doing a great job getting him into new routines. When I got home from work tonight the laughter and play in your backyard radiated over the fence…it was great to hear. Keep looking forward. You are right when you say God will guide you. He does know his plans for you.
Sandy Nichols
January 27, 2009 at 7:00 am
Angie,
Wow, thanks for your honesty and openness.
Thanks for sharing the picture of Nolan. When those of us who are following your story online think of your situation it is nice to see a picture with smiles admist heartache. I continue to pray for you and Nolan. I love to see the support that is being given to you and your family through this website it is so clear that God is reaching you through this. I hope that it helps your healing process and coping mechanisms, I feel that it would if I were going through what you are. Much love to you to day in Christ……
Tanis
January 27, 2009 at 7:15 am
Angie, Thank you for the update. I know we don’t know you, but I want you to know that we are committed to praying for you and Nolan during this time. Vanessa
January 27, 2009 at 9:33 am
Angie,
I don’t know you, but I was directed here a few weeks ago through a friend of a friend. I’ve been checking back for updates.
It makes me feel ill to imagine what you must be going through. Because my husband has heart problems, I often envision myself without him. (Or, as my mother liked to put it, “I die a million deaths.”) I wonder what my mornings, evenings, and weekends would be like and how I would cope. He is such a huge part of my life, and it makes my heart ache to think of life without him. I can only somewhat imagine what you must be dealing with….and I am SO very sorry.
It sounds like you have a lot of friends and family who adore you. I hope they can bring you comfort and peace in the coming weeks and months.
I’m sure Mark is with you every moment, even if you can’t see him. He is there.
God bless you and your sweet little boy. Please take care and know that even strangers like me are thinking of you, and praying for your heart to heal.
Susan
January 27, 2009 at 11:20 am
Angie and Nolan,
I just wanted you both to know that I am continuing to pray for the both of you for comfort, peace and joy.
Love,
Rick Waterman
January 27, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Angie,
I’m a friend of the Crandalls. Just wanted you to know that I’m still praying for you and Nolan.
May His grace continue to sustain you,
Stephanie
January 27, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I am grieving as well. My daughter, Elexis, went to be with the Lord almost four months ago. I got your email when your husband first got in the accident. I just checked in to see how he was doing, I am so sorry for your loss. You are absolutely right. God will get you through each moment. I attend Harvest as well. I have been going to the services on Wed. as well. They have helped me. The last service was very hard. As you remember, James spoke of a little girl that had Cancer and passed. My daughter passed of Cancer as well. It was unexpected. The cancer was found only 2 weeks before she went to Heaven. I miss her so much. If you ever need anyone to talk with, I am here. I also attend the Harvest Bearevement group. It is the first and third Monday of each month. So next Monday they will have a meeting. I would love to meet you. I have found strength in being around others who are going through similar trials. They seem to be the only ones who understand. Please email me. I can give you my phone number. The Bereavement group is very helpful. Please go. It’s at 7:00. I hope to hear from you. God bless you. Nikki
January 27, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Just got done praying for you after watching the slideshow from the funeral…still can’t believe Mark’s gone. The pictures just remind me of how much you all loved eachother and Nolan. That was so clear, we knew you guys truly loved and cared so much for eachother. Your relationship to eachother was such a priority and was a real encouragement to us.
We all continue to pray for you. Gabe and I often sit together and pray for Nolan and you.
I came across this today from Psalm 119
“I call with all my heart; answer me, O Lord, and I will obey your decrees. I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.” – Ps 119:145-148
Just the way you’ve been looking to God and presenting yourself to Him through all of this has made a huge impression on so many. I can’t count the number of people at OCC who have come up to me and have just been inspired to walk on with God as they’ve been watching you go through this. Already God is using you to encourage others who are going through hard times.
I’m praying that God would continue to sustain you moment by moment.
Josh
January 27, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Hi Angie
I can’t imagine how difficult life seems right now. I don’t have insightful words of wisdom and it looks like the verses above offer encouragement beyond what my simple words would say. I just want you to know you are thought of daily. Each night when the girls say their prayers they ask me if they still need to pray for Mark. I tell them they can always pray for Mark and his family. We are all praying for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you and Nolan.
Hugs
Michelle
January 27, 2009 at 7:56 pm
It was so good to hear from you and hear your heart Angie. So many of us far away are wondering how you are and prayerful over you, it means so much to us to hear how you are in your own words. You are loved!
January 27, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Hi Angie,
You are strong! I have two boys and if my husband was gone I would not know what to do. I worked with Mark at Kaiser in the chart room. He was a good man and he loved you and your son so much. I still can’t believe he is gone. I do believe in God but I don’t go to church, but after all of this I really want to start going.Why you ask, we don’t know when God is going to take us and I don’t know if I am ready. It sounds like Mark was. Every day I think of you and your son and Mark.
January 27, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Know that I’m always here praying!
Psalms 32:6-7 For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come nigh unto him. Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.
January 28, 2009 at 5:12 am
[...] A while ago I posted a link to here. As soon as I read their story my heart immediately connected to them. I know, I don’t really [...]
January 28, 2009 at 7:08 am
Angie,
I continue to pray for you often. In watching you and Mark during the short time that we were getting to know you both, and in hearing stories about the life he lived, we have been challenged. Challenged to love more deeply, to live intentionally, to make the most of every day. Challenged to walk closely with God. Challenged to invest in those around us. Challenged to take nothing for granted.
I am thankful that God allowed us to know you both. I look forward to continuing to get to know you! I appreciate you sharing your life and your thoughts… I will continue to pray for you and Nolan. Hope to spend some time with you soon!
Erin
January 28, 2009 at 9:02 am
Hi Angie – I’m so glad to see that you’re keeping everyone posted. Hurray for Nolan and his skateboard tricks and thank God that he feels good enough to get out there and enjoy himself. The first year is very hard because each holiday and each season will bring reminders of the times you have together but you have a good group of people supporting you so live those moments and talk about your feelings. It will help a lot. You two are in my thoughts always. Take care.
January 28, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Stopping by to let you know I’m still here praying!
Psalms 27:7-9 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.
January 29, 2009 at 7:26 am
I attended a prayer meeting at my home church (Mission Viejo Christian Church) on Tuesday, and I did alot of praying for you and Nolan. This moment in your life has done alot in mine. My husband Kevin and I had a heart to heart as we followed your story day by day. When I worry about bills, and daily strugles I think of you. You encourage me to love my husband unconditionally and to simply let the little things go. Thank you for letting this blog be a light to others. We continue to pray…..
January 29, 2009 at 10:26 am
Angie, I am really at a loss for words, but I wanted to send you a big cyber hug. It has been almost a year since we lost our precious Jenna and I anticipate the next three weeks will be quite intense for me, as I re-live our last wonderful days with her.
Looking back, I can honestly say that while 2008 was (hands down) the worst year of my life, it was also one of the most wonderful years of my life. Such a paradox, but true. It’s true because of God and how he carried us and the amazing things he has wrought in our lives through something so tragic.
I imagine losing Mark is quite different from our loss of Jenna and there are lots changes in your life that we didn’t have to face, and in that I feel for you. It must bring an added stress on top of your grief.
You are still in my prayers, and I agree with everyone here…your faith and ability to cling to God in the worst circumstances are a blessing.
January 29, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Always here praying!
Romans 5:1-2 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
January 30, 2009 at 8:15 am
Praying for you today, Angie.
January 30, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Angie, thank you so much for telling your feelings. I cannot stop thinking about you and how you are feeling. the quick phone calls and even stopping by, though you sound okay and look beautiful, I wonder what’s going on inside you. It seems hard to get a moment without children or other people to talk and even then it would be hard to know if that was the right time to talk or if you even have the energy or words for your feelings. I think about you throughout the day and what is going on and I always get stopped at the part where I realize this is real Mark is really gone.I try to reassure Matt and comfort him and tell the boys when they ask whats going on, that Uncle Mark is with Jesus and that is good but it makes us so sad and it makes daddy so sad,mad and tired.He misses his brother.Then I have realize it is real but I can’t seem to snap out of the just ????? feeling. To think of my feelings and to see Matt going through this I try to imagine your feelings but cannot even fathom. I will definately stop by expecially since you make really good, really sweet, sweet tea. call me , I’ll call you too. I will check in here whenever I can hoping for your thoughts. I pray for you and Nolan every time I pray during the day and night.I love you lots love Peggy
January 30, 2009 at 7:31 pm
We have never met, but you are my sister in Christ. I grew up in Riverside (at Mag.); my brother, Jeff Cope knew you guys from CBU; my cousin Colleen worked with Mark.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My prayer for you is that the Lord’s presence would be very real to you at this time and cover every need that you have. It sounds like you have lots of family and friends who are there for you, too. I will keep lifting you up in prayer in the days ahead.
God bless you,
Kristi
January 30, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I don’t think you would believe how many of us are out here in ‘blogland’ thinking of ya’ll and praying for you all.
Keep in mind that as much as you think Nolan needs you – - you need him, too. The two of you will be fine as you let HIM lead the way.
Nolan’s smile is a sure sign that he is going to be just fine!
Bless you,
Grannie in Florida
January 30, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Praying right now!
Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
January 31, 2009 at 12:00 am
Angie,
A friend of mine let me know of your situation and I have been checking in. I am very sorry for your loss… I can see that you have many people there for you. You and I will probably never meet… but I know your pain. Mine was 14 years ago. Please take the time to cry…take the time to be alone… it is ok. Take the time to smile and laugh… it is ok too. The only thing I can say is that you now have a “new normal”. I wish I could say it gets easier… but there are days as if it were yesterday… still. Then there are months… that it doesn’t come to mind at all. Your new normal will change with time…but with the faith that has been exhibited in your words… I have no doubt that you will find a long term normal. You and your son will always be in my prayers. Take care of yourself.
January 31, 2009 at 9:29 pm
“I’m but a stranger here, Heav’n is my Home”…one of my favorite hymns. It’s such a comforting thought! Know that I’m praying!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
February 1, 2009 at 3:18 am
Just a note to remind you that there really are people praying and thinking of you and Nolan, day and night. (It’s three, eighteen am)
Lovingly,
Carolyn
February 1, 2009 at 10:21 am
Angie and Nolan –
Our family recently lost our husband and father too. Corey was 37, and we have two boys 5 and 3. I invite you to our blog, and if you would like to email if you’re comfortable. Your writings are some of the same feelings we went through. Lean on others. Know people are there for you, even if not physically. Our family will be praying for you.
millerck@charter.net, http://www.millermoments.wordpress.com
The Millers
February 1, 2009 at 11:50 am
Angie,
We are thinking of you and Nolan, and continuing to pray. Blessings to you both today. Love, Rachael Meyer
February 1, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Hi Angie- I am still praying for you daily sometimes hourly. You come to mind so often. I just pray that the Lord would give you strength and peace daily to get you through. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. Please call to chat anytime, I would love to just visit with you. I wish we lived closer. Give Nolan hugs and kisses for us. He is so blessed to have such a wonderful Mom!
February 1, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Only the Lord knows all the “whys”…His way is always best! Praying!
Romans 11:33-36 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.
February 2, 2009 at 1:12 am
Angie,
I just wanted you to know I’m still praying for you and Nolan. I think of you often and will continue to lift you up. One thing I noticed when Mark and Adrianne lost Karissa is that people were sometimes very opinionated about what their grief “should” look like. I want to encourage you that whatever your grief feels like to you, however you feel you cope best with it, whatever it is that works for you – do that. If your way of moving through your process doesn’t make sense to someone else that’s ok. I can’t begin to wrap my brain around how difficult this season must be for you both but I will continue to pray.
Elissa
February 2, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Angie ,thinking about you and your first day back at work. I hope it is going okay for you.I prayed this morning for you and Nolan and your day. I am at work right now but obviously my mind is elsewere. I can’t stop thinking about you guys. I will continue to pray for you to feel comfort, my heart just aches for you so much. Thoughts ,prayers and big hugs. love peggy
February 2, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Comforting words! Praying so right now!
1 Corinthians 15:54-57 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
February 3, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Mike and I are continuing to pray for you and Nolan. Both of you are often in our thoughts. I pray that the Lord will continue to guide you and hold you in the hallow of his hand.
February 3, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I hope you continue to update us all on Noah and yourself. We are always thinking of you, And wishing you well.
Lisa
February 3, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Hi Angie,
Praying for you and Nolie. Hope this week back at work isn’t too overwhelming. Thinking of and praying for you guys constantly.
Love you,
B&T
February 3, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Was praying for you this morning Angie. Seemed kind of random as I was reading, “But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.” Psalm 81:16. God always seems to infere doesn’t He. Thinking of you here in Finland.
February 3, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Always here praying!
Psalms 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
February 6, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Love you guys…continuing in prayer for you
Kimbirks
February 7, 2009 at 10:11 am
Angie, I’m still praying…
February 8, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Angie, it is so very sad to hear about Mark, but knowing that he comes from a Christian family, he is in Heaven with all our departed loved ones and in the busom of God our Heavenly Father. I can just imagine he is sitting there playing or waiting his turn to play some kind of board or card game with Aunt Nannie Nash and Grandma Simpson. Oh, maybe they don’t allow that up there! That is what we did, when I was a kid growing up. Aunt Nannie was always my partner when she came up to Morro Bay to visit. One day we too will be there with our Heavenly family. But for now, we must endure the trials of living here in the world. My heart goes out to you and Nolan. It has been several years since we first met eachother at the Nash Family Reunion. Hopefully one day we can have another. You and your family will be in my prayers and if there is anything Mae and I can do to help, please let us know. May God bless you and Nolan. Your cousin, Dennis Simpson
February 27, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Dear Angie,
My sister’s husband Kevin was in an accident on Dec. 16th which has caused him severe brain damage. He was induced into a coma while in the trauma unit at the hospital due to the intense pain he would be in if he came to. After about 2 weeks, the doctors slowly drew him out of the coma to monitor brain activity. They didn’t get any positive results. They determined that Kevin would remain on life support and a feeding tube in a vegetative state for the rest of his life, however long that would be. It’s been just over two months since his accident, and Kevin has made no progress; in fact, he’s gotten worse. His mother Leah is having a hard time coping with the results of the latest CT Scans, and she can’t seem to let her baby go. With respect and love for Leah, my sister Mary faces the decision everyday to keep Kevin alive via machines. “Whenever Leah is ready to say good bye”, she says. Mary is facing the loss of her husband as you have. She knows he’ll never make a recovery, and eventually, she’ll have to turn off the machines instead of watching her husband waste away. Mary and Kevin have 4 children, ages 13, 8, 3 and 1. She looks into their faces everyday to see her husband’s reflection there and misses him tremendously.
I tell you this not to trivialize your pain and loss. But to encourage you to keep up with this journal because the words are encouraging, and provide comfort to someone who is going through something so similar. It’s amazing that this world dishes up pain, and God uses it to dish up a remedy for someone else, once again, trumping Satan’s plans of termoil and further damage.
The song below is from Steven Curtis Chapman called With Hope. It is a comfort to me. I read the words “we had so many plans for you, we had so many dreams, and now you’ve gone away, and left us with the memory of your smile”. I remember how Kevin came to know the Lord as Savior, and had so many conversations leading up to his salvation. I prayed that God would capture his heart. I know God had a purpose and a plan for Kevin, and all that’s gone now. He had so many hard pitfalls to overcome, but Kevin tried up till the very end, and I knew that it was a response to the Holy Spirit. I know where Kevin is going when he dies, and I’m hopeful that I’ll see his face again in Heaven, where he’s no longer captured by his human strife. He’s home and now he’s free.
Please pray for Mary and her children to see whatever God is doing through your story and His new plans. Thank you, Angie, for your testimony and beautiful thoughts. I will continue to pray for you and Nolan.
Joanne Gabl
STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN WITH HOPE
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but …
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
(There’s a place by God’s grace)
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father’s smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now you’re home
And now you’re free, and …
We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so …
So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope